The Importance of Dating & Romance in Marriage
Date night is a big deal in our home. So much so that when Dane and I didn’t make it out for a couple of weeks, Alana (with Gabe’s help) made us a gift to remind us that we need to go. The kids know us having some alone time is important because we’ve taught them that it is. Some weeks it can’t or doesn’t happen and we’re always striving to find some sort of balance between the demands of work, kids and us.
Sometimes having a romance with the same person is challenging. But I remind myself of the importance of dating and romance in marriage. After all, this is the man that gives me a hard time when I drop a deuce (that’s slang for poop) and never lets me live down a fart. He’s seen me at my worst in every way — angry, sick, frustrated, scared, you name it, he’s witnessed my much less than perfect sides. Sexy sayings like “She was bent over” are probably followed by “because she was washing the toilet” or “because she was helping our 5-year-old tie her shoes”.
One of our first dates was going for a run and I snot rocketed on his leg and peed in a bush. When people tell him what a lucky guy he is to have me, I think “holy, cow, it’s amazing he’s sticking around”. But you do stick around because loving someone is more than the romantic gestures and preliminary butterflies in the stomach when you first meet. It’s also important to remember that those romantic gestures and butterflies should continue past the first couple of months.
I hear my friends in relationships talk about how winter is great because they don’t shave and after all — their husband is the only one who’s going to see their legs anyway. It’s that attitude I’ve tried to avoid. When you meet someone, you give them your best so why after you’ve “landed” the bloke, do you turn off the charm you turned up to get him in the first place?? Don’t get me wrong, I love sweatpants days and Netflix marathons on the couch but we do those together. There are times I’m getting ready for a date when I wonder if the kids have used all the dry shampoo and I can get away without a shower but that’s not giving my best to the person I love the most.
This is the man I’m raising kids with, the man I love more than I have words to describe, the guy that puts up with me when I’m stressed or need to have a good cry. This man sees my worst and deserves my best. He holds me when I want to be held, jokes with me, puts up with my sarcasm, and how distanced I get when I’m irritated. He listens to me complain about how my needs aren’t met and works 70 hour weeks so we can get out of debt faster and build a retirement. He encourages me to keep up my running and pushes me out the door when he needs to. He’s my biggest supporter and fan and even tolerates me wanting every trip to be about running a race. He is my rock when I need him, my sounding block, my venting partner, a Dad to a lot of kids, a provider, my lover, and my best friend. He deserves to know that I put time into going on a date because I still want to impress him (although maybe not with a snot rocket).
So I ask myself what I would do if I was going on a date as we did back when we met. I’d shower, pluck my eyebrows, shave, wear my pretty bra and panties, put some thought into what I was wearing, and put on an extra coat of mascara. I’d look forward to it and hope I’d get one of those “front door kisses”. I call them that because my front door was our first kiss and he completely swept me off my feet. Those kisses still sweep me off my feet every single time and I’m always wondering if he can continue to look past how imperfect I am and want to give them to me. I would be remiss if I complained about a lack of romance and less than ideal dates — or none at all — if I wasn’t accountable for my piece. It’s not just about carving out the time to date and figuring out what to do together, it’s about giving your partner a reason to want to go.
Originally published at https://www.momof18.com.
Jenn is Mom of 18, Transformational Coach for Christian women, host of At A Crossroads with The Naked Podcaster, Author, Runner, Minimalist, & Healthy Lifestyle Advocate
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