How To Have Effective Communication in Marriage

  • Notice the warning signs of an escalating discussion. If you’re starting to raise your voice or say hurtful things to your partner, take a walk and cool off. Instead of thinking about all the reasons the other person is wrong, examine the part you might have played in things getting to this level. I have to watch my volume — it means I’m frustrated and the conversation isn’t as good
  • When you return, apologize for your part in the disagreement. Usually, both parties shoulder some part of the blame in an argument. Then, calmly express your feelings.
  • Be careful to speak in terms of how things have affected you, instead of pointing fingers at the other person. Think of the discussion as one you would have with a teammate that is trying to solve the problem, and not as an enemy that must be defeated at all costs.
  • If you both give in a little, you show each other that you’re committed to the relationship above all else. You show your love for your partner in a tangible way when you sacrifice a little of what you want for the good of both of you. I love compromise because I feel SEEN and HEARD and know my feelings are important.
  • When the other person is speaking, resist the temptation to interrupt. Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say to counter your partner’s statements, pay close attention. When your spouse is finished, repeat in your own words what was said. Say, “What I hear you saying is… Is that what you’re saying?”
  • This gives your spouse a chance to correct your understanding if you’ve misunderstood what was said. It also shows your partner that you care about solving the problem instead of simply winning the argument. You’ll experience greater emotional intimacy and a quicker resolution that both of you can be happy with. We are both good at clarifying what the other means, to be certain we understand. We do both sometimes interrupt, which we’re both working on.

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Jenn Taylor — Mom Of 18

Jenn Taylor — Mom Of 18

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Mom Of 18 Certified Birth & Bereavement Doula® Adoption & Surrogacy Doula Breastfeeding Counselor Reno, NV 15+ Years In The Foster Care Sector, Blogger, Podcast