Finding Inspiration In A DNF
DNF. Those horrid little letters that mean SO much to a runner. Did Not Finish. It’s one thing us runners try desperately to avoid. The finish, after all, is where we want to be. Why, though, can’t we embrace the DNF? Why does it have to be such a bad thing? Sometimes it’s about finding inspiration in a DNF.
Sometimes you meet people you connect with and I’ve been blessed in my life to have stumbled across a few and clung to those friendships. Seek people who inspire you to be better than you are is a philosophy I’ve strived for. David and Mersedeh are two such people I’ve been privileged to know. Dave is a “crazy vegan runner” (that’s a direct quote from me) and I LOVE following their adventures all over the USA to every insane ultra race Dave can find, up every mountain and through crazy terrain. In this way, they are an alter ego. Traveling, running, doing ultra’s, living with less on the road, and having the best time with each other. It’s amazing to be a small part of their journey. Every year, they show up at Running with the Bears and Dave cranks out a marathon with us non-elites. Not only does he run the marathon, this year he ran two fellow runners to the finish line to complete their races — averaging over 35 miles for the day. Why? Because that’s who Dave is and we all adore him.
These are people I look forward to seeing every year We all knew Dave and Mersedeh were heading to Colorado for Dave to run Leadville 100 the weekend after Bears and I was excited to follow another of his races. He posted that he had dropped out and I was waiting to hear what happened. Dave shared this and allowed me to share it with you. Sometimes, in the DNF — the perceived failure, the potential devastation — we learn from someone else’s struggle to be thankful for the journey because they are. It shouldn’t be about failure or success but about learning and growth. Thank you, Dave and Mersedeh, for sharing a piece of your journey.
“So here’s my little recap on my Leadville 100 attempt. Obviously I fell short of my goal, of running 100 miles and crossing the finish line. I felt okay at the beginning of the race, and while I hit all of my goal times through 40 miles, it was becoming evident as early as mile 20 that the effort was higher than I wanted it to be to reach those times. This resulted in walking a great deal of the time in those early miles, to try to conserve energy. I left Twin Lakes (mile 40) at about 8.5 hours into the race, to make my way over Hope Pass. In the next 3 hours, I made it about 4 miles and 2,000 ft. of elevation gain. In those 3 hours, I was moving slower than I thought was even possible, and after every few steps, I needed to sit down. The rest breaks become more and more frequent, and actually more and more urgent. After about the 10th (or maybe 20th) time sitting down, I was just too light-headed and out of breath, and so I needed to lie down. At that point, I started to think about how far I still had to go…not until the end of the race, or even until the top of Hope Pass…but how far to go until the next aid station, where I could get some aid, support, rest, or whatever miracles those llamas may have carried up the mountain. Unfortunately, when I determined that I still had about a mile to go, and another 1,000 ft. of elevation gain, I knew it would be impossible. It had become impossible. Taking a few 4-inch strides, followed by lying down for several minutes, really doesn’t make for much forward progress. I was just so out of power, that I couldn’t produce any energy to move my body. My legs weren’t tired, and my body wasn’t tired, but I just could not take in enough oxygen to create energy. This level of weakness was beyond anything that I had ever felt before. It was clear that my body was absolutely depleted, with no hope of finding any energy. After my last 15–30 minute “rest,” lying down on a steep slope covered with sharp pine needles, I had no choice but to turn around. Luckily for me, I happened to make another friend on the way down. He was vomiting badly at the Hopeless aid station and was also forced to turn back around. But the best part was that he had a phone with him, he had already called his crew, and they were going to meet us at a trailhead which was easier to get to than going all the way back to Twin Lakes. Our 4-mile hike down was one of my favorite parts of the race. In the 3 hours that I had, barely moving up the trail to Hope Pass, there was a lot of time to think about why my body was reacting the way it was. I made several choices this summer, to prioritize some experiences over what would be best for my Leadville 100 race. Those experiences involved leaving Colorado for extended periods of time, going on very long, exhausting drives to both coasts of the country, and also participating in other long-distance endurance races, including a marathon the week before the 100 miler.
Obviously I knew these choices could have an impact, but as I said, I was interested in the experiences that those choices offered. I don’t regret those choices, as they yielded precious time with friends and family, and even included making great new friendships. They were also opportunities to support charity organizations which are very special to me, and so I was prepared to suffer any consequences. Well on the trail up to Hope Pass, those consequences hit me with all the might of a 12,600 ft. mountain pass! Overall I was very happy with my Leadville 100 experience. It was a gorgeous race, in one of the most scenic parts of the country. It gave me many experiences which I would never have had and allowed me to explore Colorado, and myself, in ways that will be valuable for the rest of my life. There are no failures in this sport because no matter what, you always learn something (about running and about life). This race was so successful for so many reasons, not the least that it provided inspiration to take on these, and all challenges, with a new approach.
The final race experience I had was going to the finish line in the morning. From 8:00 am to 10:00 am, we watched the final finishers make that run up 6th Street, to complete their 100 mile Leadville journeys. This was by far the most emotional and memorable part of the race for me. I literally cried watching each runner, usually joined by their entire crew and family, run that final mile into town. They each ran at a different pace, some barely hobbling, bent over, and contorted. Others ran like it was the home stretch of a local 5k. Some looked battle-worn and exhausted from the night. Others looked like they could turn around and run the whole thing again. Almost everyone had, for at least some of that time, a smile on their faces, knowing that they had made it. People cheered, they cried, they supported their runners and all of the runners.
At the finish line, we were all part of their “crew.” They were all our runners. We celebrated everyone who made it, knowing how hard they must have worked, and how much they had endured. I was so fortunate to be there to see friends reach that goal…friends that I knew before the race, and other friends that I made during the course of the run. The amazing thing is that at the finish of a 100-mile ultra-marathon, all the factors that we normally look at to determine success, like age, body type, speed, general good or bad appearance, truly have little to no impact on who finishes ahead. At the finish line, you realize that the biggest factor is something that you can’t see. It’s something inside. It’s something which we can’t necessarily put our finger on, maybe unless we were there with them through the night, through the cold, dark, lonely times, which never seem to end.
Seeing them in the warm morning light, their secret power is hidden, but it is there nonetheless, and it is there in so many of them. I’m left believing, knowing, that it’s there in all of us. We just have to keep going over those miles, over those mountains, to find it… Thank you for the support from everyone. Congratulations to all of my friends and fellow runners who found their power and made it to the finish line. And congratulations to all of my friends and fellow runners who took to the start, with all the courage they could muster, and gave it their all. I saw many of you on the way up to Hope Pass, and next year, I will see all of you again…on the other side! Oh yeah, and I’m completely, head over heels, in love with Leadville… “
Originally published at https://www.momof18.com.
Jenn is Mom of 18, Transformational Coach for Christian women, host of At A Crossroads with The Naked Podcaster, Author, Runner, Minimalist, & Healthy Lifestyle Advocate
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