Am I Enough as a Mother
There are those days. Days as a Mom I wonder if I’m enough. Am I doing enough, spending enough time, teaching my kids what’s really important in life? They are important. They are incredible. I am blessed to be called Mommy. I am proud of the people they are becoming. They are the best decision I have ever made.
They are loved and valued. They are worth it. But on those days. The tired days. The I need some time for myself days. The grumpy days. The overwhelming days. The days I want to give them my everything but I feel like there’s nothing in the tank. The days my 100% looks more like a fraction and I’m not certain I’m cut out for this Mommy thing. On those days am I enough?
Do they still know? Do they realize that the moments when I am so imperfect that they are enough? When I complain about the house being a mess, please clean up after yourselves, turn off the lights, don’t use all the hot water, we can get that on my next payday. Do they know they’re the most amazing gift? Will they be as fabulous as I know they are even though I’m screwing it all up? Sometimes, on those days, they must have an internal click. Sometimes something wonderful happens and I think maybe, just maybe, I’m doing things right.
Sometimes my 17-year-old son does more to clean the house and Shepard’s the herd. Sometimes older kids help the younger ones with homework. Sometimes the littlest gets a bath to surprise me. Sometimes they ask to cook dinner just because they want to help. Sometimes they clean bedrooms without being asked and show it off as a surprise. Sometimes they search me out to tell me they love me or ask for a cuddle. Once Dane and I woke up at 4:30 — he was going to work, I was going for a run — and breakfast was waiting for us and the kitchen was cleaned. Sometimes when I’m wondering if I’m any good at this Mommy thing, I look at the pictures on my phone and find crazy stuff the kids took and it makes me smile.
Every once in a while I get a big surprise like I did last week when I got to work and opened my laptop and found notes from my daughter, and all day I kept finding notes in all my stuff — my wallet, my planner, my car. Because for whatever crazy reason, Kezia wanted to surprise me. And then I realize. I am imperfect, I am sometimes lost but I am enough as a mother.
Originally published at https://www.momof18.com.
Jenn is Mom of 18, Transformational Coach for Christian women, host of At A Crossroads with The Naked Podcaster, Author, Runner, Minimalist, & Healthy Lifestyle Advocate
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